If This World Hung From Some Other God's Arm
If this world hung from some other god's arm,
Would my dreams have been shovelled so readily
Into a disinterested grave?
Would I be more than a mourner
Hunched and howling at its bleak mouth,
Protesting, "No! Don't bury them!
Stillbirths and miscarriages they may be,
But they're mine and I cannot let them go!"
But you ask me, Lord,
Not demand or insist or force,
But gently ask
That I throw the first handful of dirt.
It cakes and clumps and clings to my hand,
Resists and rebels until I stand
Fists fisted, heart hardened, eyes on the strands
Of what-might-have-been-and-never-will-be-agains—
My God, my God! Will I ever understand?
Then a Gethsemane grasps me and whispers in my ear.
Not my will, Father, not my will, Father, not my—
Sobbing, I fling the sod, scattering it violently over the lost.
Grieving still, I ask you, not kindly,
"With what will you fill these dirty hands?"
And when you respond softly, "With me," I tremble,
Because I am so afraid that I will drop you,
Momentarily forgetting that it is you who carry me.
If this world hung from some other god's arm,
Would my dreams have been shovelled so readily
Into a disinterested grave?
Would I be more than a mourner
Hunched and howling at its bleak mouth,
Protesting, "No! Don't bury them!
Stillbirths and miscarriages they may be,
But they're mine and I cannot let them go!"
But you ask me, Lord,
Not demand or insist or force,
But gently ask
That I throw the first handful of dirt.
It cakes and clumps and clings to my hand,
Resists and rebels until I stand
Fists fisted, heart hardened, eyes on the strands
Of what-might-have-been-and-never-will-be-agains—
My God, my God! Will I ever understand?
Then a Gethsemane grasps me and whispers in my ear.
Not my will, Father, not my will, Father, not my—
Sobbing, I fling the sod, scattering it violently over the lost.
Grieving still, I ask you, not kindly,
"With what will you fill these dirty hands?"
And when you respond softly, "With me," I tremble,
Because I am so afraid that I will drop you,
Momentarily forgetting that it is you who carry me.